What Couple Advisors is, and what it isn't

Couple Advisors provides educational support for couples. It is not psychotherapy, it is not a substitute for care from a licensed clinician, and it is not a crisis service. Nothing here is a diagnosis or a treatment plan. If you are working with a therapist, this is meant to sit alongside that work, not to replace it.

The AI coach will not attempt to handle a crisis. If you describe danger, violence, fear for your safety, or thoughts of hurting yourself or your partner, it will stop coaching and point you to the resources above. Those messages are also flagged for review by a clinician on our team, so that a person — not just software — knows you reached out.

Ground rules for the system

These apply to both partners, and the AI coach is held to them too: it will not help you plan anything on the first list.

Conduct this system discourages

• Romantic involvement outside the relationship Unless the couple is ethically non-monogamous - meaning they keep each other fully informed and outside involvement happens with consent - romantic involvement with others works against the relationship.
• Sexting, or texting others in a flirtatious or romantic way Including contact that stays short of a physical relationship.
• Reading a partner's personal email or messages without consent Checking up on someone without their knowledge erodes the trust it is meant to test.
• Lying to your partner Including by omission, and including lies told to avoid a conflict.
• Striking or hitting your partner for any reason There is no version of this that is acceptable and no circumstance that justifies it. If this is happening, safety comes before any relationship work.
• Speaking negatively about your partner to others, especially children Children in particular should not be placed in the middle of an adult conflict.
• Moving money or co-owned assets without your partner's knowledge or consent Financial decisions made alone are still decisions made about both of you.
• Sharing confidential information outside the relationship before telling your partner Your partner should not learn something about your shared life from someone else.
• Making lasting or permanent decisions without consulting or informing your partner Especially decisions that directly affect the marriage.
• Triangulating - bringing a third person into the couple's discussion Including by proxy: "Your mother would agree with me" or "So-and-so's husband would never do that" brings someone into the room who is not there to speak for themselves.

Conduct this system encourages

• Be honest, while being considerate of the other person's feelings Honesty and kindness are not in competition; the skill is doing both at once.
• Say nice things, and share a kind or considerate word, as often as is realistic Small and frequent beats large and rare.
• Be respectful in tone and in words No yelling or screaming. No insults, and no contempt.
• Aim criticism at the behaviour, not the person "That plan doesn't work for me" rather than "you never think things through".
• Assume benign intent Give your partner the benefit of the doubt rather than assuming they meant to hurt you.
• Check your assumptions before acting on them Ask what they meant before deciding what they meant.
• Make sure you have understood before you respond (active listening) Reflect the message and the intent back, and confirm you have it right.
• Compromise where possible, or look for some middle ground A workable settlement usually beats a won argument.

Your information

You can download everything held about your account — assessments, check-ins, coach conversations and login history — at any time.

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